It’s Not What, But Who
Originally Published April 2019
In a meeting with a group of parents, we were discussing the mental health and well-being of our young people. Our society has become increasingly stressful and that stress is not just impacting adults, but our youth are more and more feeling the anxiety and pressure to perform and make significant future decisions all under the intense spotlight of social media.
One of the parents and fellow educators shared an article that really hit home for me as a parent. My children are out of the house. One a college graduate working in Cincinnati and one serving our country in the military. But still, they feel that pressure, and I sometimes struggle with how to support them. In a recent conversation with my son, the wisdom of the article guided me as he and I discussed his life and career choices.
The article is entitled Stop Asking Kids What They Want to Be When They Grow Up. The key point is that asking kids what they want to be creates stress because it asks them to define themselves in terms of a career, and we are more than our careers. And, as the article indicates, work doesn’t always fulfill us and bring us joy.
I have been fortunate to meet with groups of parents and community members over of the course of my career. At one such meeting, I began the evening asking the parents what kind of adults they wanted their children to be. Answers included the following: confident, independent, kind, considerate, happy. No one gave me a career or cited that they wanted their child to memorize the Periodic Table (and that is not a bad thing). The point is that when we think about our children, we have big, bold dreams for them that usually relate to the kind of people we want them to be. That is something that we can support our children in becoming.
So, don’t ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” of “What do you want to major in?” Instead let’s ask our kids what kinds of challenges they enjoy and what kinds of things they would like to experience. It takes the stress off of them and you!
