Just Because You Can Part II
Originally Published February 2014
Last week I offered some suggestions for helping your teen navigate social media in a way that respects your teen and the power of social media, yet keeps you in the loop with what you son or daughter is posting. Please know that keeping up with our teens is difficult, and no one does it perfectly. Our teens have more time and access than we do. However, parenting today requires us to be very involved in our teens’ technology.
While following and “friending” your teen is an important way to help your child think through his/her posts, you also need to be aware of the types of pages your child might be viewing. It is not uncommon for teens to create pages or accounts that are specifically intended for shock value. For example, there is a Twitter account that asks Ohio teens to confess to acts that they have committed. Having viewed the feed, I can say that you will hope your child is not posting there. Students have also created pages aimed at criticizing an authority figure such as a principal or teacher. Students may be invited to “favorite, like, or retweet” the information on these types of sites thereby connecting their names to the information.
The real issue here is not that your child is necessarily posting on these sites, but he/she may be following or viewing them. The problem: they develop an unrealistic view of what is appropriate or even typical behavior. Because the frontal lobe isn’t developed, sorting through all that they see and hear is difficult for teens, and the conclusions that teens reach are very different than those that we might reach as adults. That can be problematic for their futures.
So the question arises again. What is a parent to do?
This is where the parenting strategy that has worked for every generation is needed. Talk to your child regularly.
The more you communicate with your child, face-to-face, on a daily basis, the more likely your child is going to share information with you. Our daughter often tells us about some of the crazy pages and sites that are set up through our regular conversations. The more your teen shares, the better, and then discuss what they tell you.
Remember, you are helping your teen to develop his/her ability to make good decisions independent of you. One of the benefits of the frontal lobe developing last is that it allows teenagers seek risks and new experiences. This search for novel experiences is part of how our teenagers separate from us as their caregivers. And that is the goal…independent adults who don’t rely on us. However, while seeking those risks, they need to discuss what is going on or what they are experiencing so they can learn.
So put your foot down on the non-negotiables. But discuss your child’s decision-making. Your teen will likely make mistakes that may cause you to cringe, but that is part of the process. The best learning from those mistakes will happen if you can discuss them with open lines of communication. Good luck!
